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For a while I had articles up and I was happy with them for a while, but then I wasn’t. I realized with the articles I was writing as if they were just factual and only news, but I didn’t want that, I wanted to have my opinion and my voice in there. I have absorbed the articles under blogs, so this way I can write and give an opinion and not feel guilty about it not being just the facts. All the articles still exist, they just changed to be under the blogs now.

I’ve missed writing and I want to write more. Just over the last few days, between the CNN+ and Playstation Plus blog posts, I’ve done more writing than I have in a while. For CNN+ I didn’t really get into much of an opinion and kept it pretty factual, but when it came to PS+ I went more in depth with a personal side of things. Expect to see more of that kind of thing on here. While articles were fun, they lacked me, a me that I feel I can put into blogs easier. I highly doubt I will be able to do a blog a day like I’ve been doing though, between work and creating other kinds of content, it doesn’t seem feasible, but if there’s something I want to give an opinion on or write about, it will most likely be put up.

Since I am a nerd and into technology, video games, 3d printing and other things like that, expect to see more writings about those kinds of things. Hopefully I can get to the point that I want to with this, but I am feeling reinvigorated now for some reason, so maybe the drive I have can keep me going.

The Weekend Prior

It’s been a minute. A lot has happened since the last time I wrote here, the biggest thing being that I had a heart attack at 37 years old. How does something like that happen and how did I know? Well my shoulder was hurting me a lot and I didn’t think anything of it because a few years ago I had the same pain, same amount, same spot, when I got my weight bench and went hard on it. I just figured it was the same thing. It possibly could have been the same thing, I could have had heart problems back then that needed to be looked at and I ignored it. I just went with the pain for a few days, shoveled the out of the ordinary amount of snow we got that weekend and iced my shoulder.

That Monday, January 31st, while on stream I couldn’t take it anymore, my shoulder and back was really hurting. I ended stream after only about an hour and went to lay down. The pain moved over to my chest and I still wasn’t sure why, but it hurt more and more and I couldn’t get comfortable. Finally I decided to give in and go to the hospital.

The Hospital

I told them I had chest pains and they did an EKG and told me it was “abnormal” but probably nothing to worry about. Within a half hour I had staff stripping off my clothes to prep me for exploratory surgery through my artery. It turned out that I had 100% blockage and had to get it cleared out and a stent put in. Since they did that though, I’ve had no shoulder pain and am feeling better than I have in a long time. After a few days in the hospital of pretty much just laying there and being a pin cushion, I was allowed to go home.

Some people may say that it was because of the COVID-19 vaccine or any other number of vaccines that I’ve had throughout the year, but it’s really just my poor diet and lack of movement. I fully admit that I was not taking care of myself, letting myself go, not caring about what I was eating and it cost me. So now I am working toward being healthier and getting things back on track to where they should be. I’m still not supposed to be straining myself too much, the incision site is still scabbed over, but it’s healing nicely and I imagine once that’s fully healed I will be able to start lifting more and really going full force into exercise and stuff.

It sucks that it happened this way, but I’m still here and can still do all the things I want to do, this time with a lot less pain apparently.

UPDATE: I changed my handle on both names so lepslair used to be lepslairtv and lepslairtv is now my old restricted account.

What happened to my Twitter? Where did it go? Is everything okay? Let me explain.

My main Twitter account is restricted right now, so follow me on lepslair until everything is settled and I have my account back (if I get my account back). They say that there’s unusual activity on it and things seem to be automated, but there has been no automation for years. I even tried to buy some ads to get it restored with no such luck, so for now I build my backup account until I get my real one back. For more information regarding what happened and what Ted Cruz had to do with it, please see the following video:

You asked and I answered. What did you ask and what did I say, however? Well that is all in the video!

Automatically generated transcript:

00:00:03.120 what’s up everybody
00:00:04.160 i had asked on twitter for you guys to
00:00:06.480 submit
00:00:07.359 questions and boy did you guys deliver
00:00:10.719 some of you didn’t however and for those
00:00:13.440 that didn’t there will be spankings but
00:00:15.679 for those that did
00:00:16.960 i am going to answer your questions
00:00:18.560 right now so the first questions come
00:00:20.720 from luna me
00:00:21.600 who asked it is not a question but you
00:00:23.760 totally talk and sound like a teacher
00:00:25.760 not meant as an offense what subject did
00:00:28.080 you teach so the reason i sound like a
00:00:30.240 teacher
00:00:30.800 probably is because i was a teacher at
00:00:33.760 one point in my life i taught
00:00:35.600 preschool i had plans to be a certified
00:00:38.239 teacher because with preschool you need
00:00:40.160 to get
00:00:40.559 fingerprinted piss-tested tb tested all
00:00:43.760 of that stuff so my my fingerprints
00:00:46.000 and dna is on file with the fbi
00:00:49.600 so i’m pretty sure they have a record on
00:00:51.680 me just
00:00:53.039 just because but other than that you
00:00:55.120 have to get like cpr certified
00:00:57.039 first aid certified that kind of thing
00:00:59.359 which i did
00:01:00.480 so i had like all of that and as far as
00:01:03.359 like
00:01:03.760 teaching i would have loved to become
00:01:06.159 like a fully
00:01:07.280 certified teacher but that never
00:01:10.000 happened
00:01:10.560 because i never finished college she
00:01:13.280 then
00:01:13.760 asks you are permitted to grade me
00:01:16.799 teacher
00:01:17.439 what subject honestly when i had thought
00:01:20.560 about
00:01:21.119 doing teaching and when i was going
00:01:24.159 to go and become certified for teaching
00:01:27.360 i had no idea because
00:01:28.720 it wasn’t oh i’m going to college to be
00:01:31.200 a teacher it was i’m going to college to
00:01:33.200 get a degree in
00:01:34.159 computer science and then i would later
00:01:36.640 get a
00:01:37.600 teaching degree but it never occurred to
00:01:39.920 me like what i wanted to do with it uh
00:01:41.840 but thinking
00:01:42.640 now i think i would want to be probably
00:01:45.360 an english teacher
00:01:46.720 because i think i think when it comes to
00:01:49.360 a lot of stuff
00:01:50.960 you can probably incorporate a lot of
00:01:53.200 stuff into
00:01:54.079 english see i wanna like i had numerous
00:01:57.280 teachers who
00:01:58.320 went outside the box i had an astronomy
00:02:02.079 teacher
00:02:02.719 who we would make bombs
00:02:05.920 in their class and we learned like
00:02:09.280 a whole bunch of other things that
00:02:11.440 didn’t necessarily
00:02:12.480 have to do with astronomy per se like
00:02:15.520 camera obscura’s
00:02:16.800 uh distribution of weight using beds of
00:02:20.160 nails
00:02:20.959 flash animation and so i i don’t
00:02:24.239 think if you’re a teacher yeah you want
00:02:26.400 to teach like the core
00:02:27.840 stuff but i don’t necessarily think that
00:02:30.560 you
00:02:31.519 want to necessarily limit
00:02:34.560 what like you could teach in any given
00:02:38.239 moment like there’s
00:02:39.840 and i i think that’s what the big
00:02:41.840 problem now
00:02:42.879 with schools is teachers kind of teach
00:02:44.959 by the book now
00:02:46.000 and not by the passion of the students
00:02:49.440 the book tells you where to go and what
00:02:51.760 to teach
00:02:52.480 and how to prepare them for the test but
00:02:54.959 like not
00:02:56.080 really where to go after that like i
00:02:58.800 have
00:03:00.000 i have memories of a lot of teachers
00:03:02.800 right
00:03:03.280 and i i i have memories of my
00:03:07.360 astronomy teacher um who’s actually on
00:03:10.080 youtube
00:03:10.879 right now um that i found a couple
00:03:13.200 months ago which i think is hilarious
00:03:15.040 he’s still
00:03:15.840 doing crazy things and i love that but i
00:03:18.560 had an
00:03:18.879 english teacher who who taught me to
00:03:22.879 look into why people do the things that
00:03:26.239 they do
00:03:26.879 specifically she’s talking about books
00:03:28.879 over the years i’ve kind of done that
00:03:30.640 with
00:03:30.959 everything i’m a huge kevin smith fan i
00:03:33.840 i had
00:03:34.400 watched a bunch of his movies in high
00:03:36.959 school
00:03:37.599 dogma chasing amy mall rats i i had
00:03:40.879 watched all of those
00:03:42.000 and i’m like oh this is cool it takes
00:03:45.040 place
00:03:45.440 in jersey but because of my english
00:03:48.560 teacher who taught me
00:03:49.840 to go and look into
00:03:53.519 why people do the things that they do
00:03:55.519 and she specifically talked about books
00:03:57.599 because we were reading this one book on
00:03:59.439 harlem
00:04:00.000 and harlem has bad reputation um
00:04:03.280 it has the reputation of being run down
00:04:07.599 and very poor but the author
00:04:11.439 he actually lived there and when he’s
00:04:13.920 describing he’s not describing a
00:04:15.760 neighborhood
00:04:16.560 in need he’s describing a neighborhood
00:04:19.040 full of life where the people are the
00:04:20.880 heart and soul
00:04:21.839 of the community when it comes to like
00:04:23.680 kevin smith i’m like
00:04:24.960 okay well he’s like i looked into it and
00:04:27.440 i’m like oh wow he
00:04:28.880 he grew up in jersey he’s not a
00:04:31.199 hollywood elite
00:04:32.479 that was born and bred into that society
00:04:35.120 he made an
00:04:36.080 indie film he sold his comic book
00:04:38.320 collection
00:04:39.199 to fund this indie film that he couldn’t
00:04:42.720 afford everything so he made it in black
00:04:44.639 and white
00:04:45.280 and because of that teacher it gives me
00:04:47.360 a new one a new appreciation for
00:04:50.240 film and everything else and and even
00:04:53.600 youtube and content creators and because
00:04:56.160 you you
00:04:56.960 look into you you learn about them you
00:04:59.280 you learn
00:05:00.160 why they are the way they are and i’ve
00:05:02.240 had uh earth science teachers
00:05:04.639 who made me write stories about
00:05:08.080 certain eras of time and bring in
00:05:11.440 elements from that era like uh plants
00:05:15.280 and animals from that era like the
00:05:17.520 jurassic period
00:05:18.720 uh the mesozoic period incorporate those
00:05:21.680 types of plants and stuff into stories
00:05:24.080 i know i didn’t go to like a traditional
00:05:26.160 school or anything but i think
00:05:27.919 i i don’t think like you necessarily
00:05:30.400 teachers should be
00:05:31.759 limited to what subjects they teach but
00:05:35.280 it should be limited
00:05:36.400 to to to what the students are really
00:05:39.840 passionate about and
00:05:41.039 kind of like help them find what they’re
00:05:43.120 passionate about
00:05:44.400 so to answer the question um which i
00:05:47.199 know i went off on like a big rant there
00:05:49.440 but to answer the question
00:05:51.120 the subject i would want to teach i
00:05:54.000 think it would be
00:05:55.039 probably english or or like computer
00:05:58.160 programming
00:05:58.800 but it would be in such a way that it
00:06:01.520 wouldn’t
00:06:02.240 just be that it would be geared toward
00:06:05.759 what people are passionate about the
00:06:08.080 next question
00:06:09.199 comes from uncle mappy who asks
00:06:12.800 what is the air speed velocity of an
00:06:15.360 unladen swallow
00:06:17.120 i think the air speed velocity of an
00:06:19.199 unladen swallow
00:06:20.240 is double that of a laden spitter the
00:06:23.120 next question
00:06:24.319 comes from ev the veg uh i probably
00:06:27.919 it’s probably ev the veg i i
00:06:31.360 am horrible with names i am so horrible
00:06:34.000 with names who would win a fight
00:06:35.759 joe exotic or the joker um
00:06:39.199 i think joe exotic would give the joker
00:06:42.400 meth and make him a husband so
00:06:46.080 in reality i think they’re both winners
00:06:48.960 and
00:06:49.599 his next question is how is delaware
00:06:53.199 well okay delaware is delaware i mean
00:06:57.199 look as wayne’s world had it whereas
00:06:59.520 like we’re in delaware
00:07:01.280 what’s in delaware that’s pretty much
00:07:03.599 what is here there’s no major sports
00:07:05.759 teams there’s no
00:07:07.120 you know what’s here right now is a
00:07:09.919 beach
00:07:10.479 and with that beach comes a lot of
00:07:12.800 tourists and they come
00:07:14.319 from dc the biggest thing about delaware
00:07:17.120 is
00:07:17.520 the former vice president joe biden and
00:07:20.639 he wasn’t even born here he moved here
00:07:22.639 from like scranton pennsylvania
00:07:24.720 but he has lived here so long they
00:07:26.960 consider him
00:07:28.000 delaware he is basically delaware if you
00:07:31.039 if you want to think
00:07:32.080 delaware think joe biden because old
00:07:34.960 white
00:07:35.599 boring man is pretty much how i would
00:07:38.639 describe
00:07:39.199 delaware mgg5yt
00:07:43.120 asks what was your inspiration for doing
00:07:45.360 twitch growing up
00:07:46.960 i i wanted to be i guess you could say i
00:07:50.479 wanted to be a content creator even
00:07:52.080 though
00:07:52.720 content creator has only really been
00:07:56.000 a thing since youtube came out there
00:07:58.160 were content creators
00:07:59.759 before that right there there were
00:08:01.520 bloggers there were
00:08:02.879 meme makers before they were called
00:08:05.039 memes they were just like funny images
00:08:07.280 but you never called them content
00:08:08.800 creators you called them
00:08:10.319 bloggers and uh myspace graphic makers
00:08:14.879 directors that kind of thing growing up
00:08:17.680 i was always writing i i wrote like
00:08:19.440 plays
00:08:20.319 and i guess you’d call them movie
00:08:22.160 scripts and stuff
00:08:23.440 and i always wanted to be a director i
00:08:24.960 wanted to go to film school and
00:08:27.520 that kind of all felt like you know
00:08:30.400 that’s just like oh yeah those are like
00:08:32.320 pipe dreams
00:08:33.200 i guess you know had i known about like
00:08:35.839 kevin smith
00:08:36.719 while growing up and he grew up like two
00:08:39.679 towns over from me
00:08:40.880 and and stuff like that like had i known
00:08:43.599 that
00:08:44.240 while watching chasing amy and dogma
00:08:47.600 growing up i i might have pursued
00:08:50.720 film career or something yeah so um so
00:08:54.000 yeah i wanted to
00:08:55.200 basically be a director growing up and
00:08:58.000 then you know youtube came out
00:08:59.600 and i i had like in the early days like
00:09:02.000 years ago i tried
00:09:03.440 to do youtube videos i tried to like
00:09:05.600 record gameplay
00:09:06.720 and what i learned about that is
00:09:10.640 talking to yourself is hard and even on
00:09:14.080 twitch it’s hard
00:09:15.120 and then what i also learned after that
00:09:17.440 was that i
00:09:18.399 hate editing videos which is odd because
00:09:20.800 this is a youtube video that i’m going
00:09:22.480 to be editing down later but um
00:09:25.519 but yeah i i actually hate
00:09:28.800 editing videos it is time consuming
00:09:32.000 i get distracted rendering it takes
00:09:34.240 forever
00:09:35.200 and i decided i wanted to twitch and i
00:09:38.560 also really wasn’t a pc gamer back then
00:09:40.880 so doing twitch had to wait
00:09:44.240 until the xbox uh supported it
00:09:48.240 so i did it and it was like okay i i’m
00:09:51.519 getting no viewers
00:09:53.040 and i’m not talking so i will wait so i
00:09:55.920 waited and
00:09:56.959 they put out an update that you could
00:09:59.920 have
00:10:00.720 more than one
00:10:03.839 voice you could record the uh party chat
00:10:07.279 so i waited for that update to come out
00:10:09.360 and then i me and a friend
00:10:12.800 we went into voice chats and
00:10:15.920 i thought we were funny we were just we
00:10:17.680 were just making you know
00:10:19.600 commentary on twitch and it turned out
00:10:22.560 to be okay and then i’m like well i
00:10:24.480 actually like this so i’m gonna
00:10:26.160 when he fell off doing it i just
00:10:28.320 continued and i’m like screw it i’m just
00:10:30.160 gonna keep doing this because i like it
00:10:32.000 and i you know doing it with someone
00:10:34.959 else i found
00:10:35.920 that i it is not as hard to talk
00:10:39.120 i mean i it is hard to talk to yourself
00:10:41.279 don’t get me wrong but even just
00:10:42.640 commentating
00:10:43.600 what you’re doing in the game like at
00:10:45.360 this point it’s kind of like second
00:10:46.959 nature and mindless for me but
00:10:48.800 when you’re starting out and you have
00:10:50.959 really nothing else to say
00:10:52.800 it can be hard so that was kind of my
00:10:55.360 inspiration because i i just always
00:10:57.360 wanted to be
00:10:58.079 a content creator mercywolf asks
00:11:01.760 what is an acceptable length and girth
00:11:04.160 for an eggplant
00:11:05.120 420 high 69 wide
00:11:08.240 anything more and anything less than
00:11:10.800 those two numbers is just
00:11:12.160 unacceptable and that could be inches
00:11:14.399 centimeters millimeters however the hell
00:11:16.320 you measure an eggplant
00:11:17.760 jelly darling asks how long is a
00:11:21.600 giraffe’s dick
00:11:22.800 i know a horse stick is pretty long that
00:11:25.279 you can injure a human with it
00:11:27.120 i imagine a giraffe stick while not as
00:11:29.839 long as his neck has to be
00:11:31.600 pretty damn long i mean how did giraffes
00:11:34.240 even have sex just those two necks in
00:11:36.160 the air
00:11:36.800 waving around like they just don’t care
00:11:38.959 that would be really interesting to see
00:11:40.880 i
00:11:41.360 now i want to see two giraffes having
00:11:43.200 sex thanks
00:11:44.399 kelly so this has been
00:11:48.079 a lot of fun i i really enjoyed making
00:11:50.320 this video um
00:11:52.560 i may do more of these amas uh if you if
00:11:55.519 you guys actually like this
00:11:56.959 ask me some questions in the comments
00:11:58.800 and be sure to like and subscribe
00:12:00.720 and i will see you guys next time

Coronavirus has people pretty much all over the world staying home and social distancing. Now there are those that do not understand that you shouldn’t be seeing your friends or going to the store for no reason during this time and those people put everyone at risk, but unfortunately it is something you have to deal with because you cant just lock people in their own homes, even if it is for their, and everyone else’s own good.

Personally the whole thing has not changed my life that much. I have worked from home for years now and while we should probably hit up a grocery store soon, besides that I wouldn’t go out besides to Home Depot to pick up supplies for a project here and there, but other than that I never really leave the house anyway. The biggest change personally is if I order something on Amazon I need to wait a bit longer for it, which is no big deal if it means that people can and will be safer.

Living in a resort area, when the weather does get warm, the tourists and out of staters will come and during a pandemic there is no exception, to the point that police are now pulling over out of state license plates and telling them to go home, the governor has closed the boardwalks and beaches, and stores are only letting 20% occupancy at max in at a time. In a week the number of cases here has tripled, so it is no wonder they are trying to curve it as much as possible.

Unfortunately I don’t see this getting better until it gets much worse, possibly all states having to shut down hardcore, which they still aren’t doing. There are those that still think it is a hoax or whatever and those people are thankfully the minority, but how much evidence does someone need? It is 2020 you would think that all the research, all the stories, all the pain and deaths so clearly laid out in front of them would be enough to convince them, but I guess if you don’t want to believe something is true then no amount of facts and evidence is going to convince them otherwise.

I am just hoping that by September they have a handle on things and they can get the virus under control.

How are you handling the pandemic? Do you need to work? Let us know in the comments below.

Do stupid people have it easier? Are they plagued with a brain that doesn’t stop thinking, that will always be active and that overanalyzes everything? I wish I could turn my brain off. How many times am I my own worst enemy? How many times do I want to do something and yet stop because I don’t think I can do it or that I am good enough. I have a to do list, it’s very long. A lot of it is things I want to do, but I overthink and it doesn’t get done. This falls into many aspects of my life. From things I want to do around the house, projects I want to start, it’s like my brain has two left feet and it stumbles over itself. I’ve been told “don’t think, just do countless times in the past. I’ve told myself that a lot as well.

The idea of “don’t think just do” is kind of an oxymoron isn’t it? You can’t do without your brain making you do, but it is also the thing getting in your way. It is weird that the brain can be at a constant struggle with itself and you can be your own worst enemy when you don’t even want to be. You want to get along with yourself, you want to let yourself have fun with it, but fear cripples you to the point of not even starting.

“Nothing to fear, but fear itself” is a phrase said by FDR during his inaugural address in 1933. 87 years later and that still rings true. People say that you need to fight a fear thought with a positive one. That seems to work for some, but for me my brain just goes into overdrive with specific reasons it could fail and how bad it could actually be. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months to dig myself out of those thoughts and get back on a project. Combine that with hyper focus and losing interest quickly and I have projects I start and never complete. It is a vicious cycle.

I’ve been working on a bit of an art project for a while now, it’s a cheap guy being made to look more realistic. I will probably post it when I am done, so many times I just thought I should do it another way or give up entirely, but I think I will be painting it soon and while it won’t be perfect, it could be decent for the Instagram pictures I do for fun and exposure. Depending on how this actually comes out, I am looking forward to doing more creative projects, even with my brain trying to stop me.

I have been diagnosed with depression for as long as I can remember. For as long as I can remember, I considered myself broken. Nowadays logging on to social media and you can find everyone talking about depression, suicidal tendencies, etc, but growing up before the internet that kind of thing was not common at all. I feel alone and isolated and lonely now, even seeing other people’s posts about the same things I am going through, but when you don’t have that, when you are alone in your room stuck in your head with no outlet, the world seems like a much darker, lonelier place than it actually is.

Even though the feelings of isolation and loneliness is still there today, seeing others share their stories does help to know I am not alone, even if the irrational side of my brain has me believing that I am. So why am I sharing this now? Because I am tired of hiding who I am. I am tired of being ashamed of the demons that plague my head. I want to be a more open and honest person and I think that this is going to be how I do it.

People have told me things like “you shouldn’t share that” and for a while I might have thought well maybe they know something I don’t, maybe I should keep this stuff to myself. Seeing other people be so comfortable with sharing their own demons has me thinking that the people who didn’t want me to share is because it made them uncomfortable. Why?

Is it because their own demons have them so uncomfortable that they wish not to have others be so open about their own? Do they want you to just conform and ignore it? Was that their secret to life, just ignore the demons and go along pretending like everything is fine, but really any moment alone in their head eats them alive?

Maybe they have no irrational demons like me, maybe they are just “normal” people who don’t have the same headspace issues I do. It is entirely possible that their words, though said to me in passing 15 years ago still haunted me today. Is that normal? What is normal? Is normal just conforming to what everyone else is doing and losing your uniqueness along the way?

I don’t want to be normal, I never was normal. Recently I’ve been embracing the weirdness more and more. Outwardly becoming the weird person I’ve always suppressed in an attempt to pose as normal. I am tired of hiding. I am weird, I am depressed, I have demons, and I am a mess of a person. It is who I am.

I wrote this post over three years ago and I got some feedback that I should wait until I got a new prescription. Well I did, I waited over three years and finally got a new prescription. Once I came home I ordered four pairs of glasses, a regular pair, a blue blocking pair, sunglasses, and sport glasses that I can use in the garage as safety glasses.

I’ve been in the garage more lately getting things done around the house that I’ve put off for too long. I’m not an expert by any means, but I do know the ideas of how to do stuff and anything I don’t know there are people to ask and videos to watch. I put off a lot of stuff because I never like how it comes out when I do it, but I am learning to slowly let that part of me go and to just accept it and adjust and fix when it is necessary and not always just focus on the flaws.

This blog really hasn’t been updated in three years if not longer and I am really aiming to change that. Since moving into our house a lot of things have changed and I don’t think I’ve talked about them. I started streaming on Twitch, we unfortunately lost Bella a year ago today, we met an incredible group of friends, it’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs over the last few years.

There’s been so many times I opened a page to write and didn’t know what to say or how to say it and I think I need to force myself to just use this as an outlet more and say what I want. Writing used to be such a huge outlet for me, poems, stories, etc and it’s fallen away. I have thought about doing a Vlog too, but I can barely do Twitch without making a complete fool of myself so add in a vlog where I need to edit videos and write down key points for what I want to talk about probably isn’t in the cards right now, but I do have a laptop and Mac not doing anything so they could make good rendering machines if I want to actually do that. At this point though, I think I’d want a phone with a better front facing camera if I was going to go that route as the S8 is kind of lacking. The Pixel, Note10+, or S10 look like they have good cameras. I wonder how the iPad camera is too, I have yet to really use it. I do take photos of myself in front of a green screen and put myself in video games for Instagram, maybe instead of my phone, I will try my iPad next time I do it.

I wanted to do it today, but with Grambler shutting down and Buffer not uploading, I need to find the best solution for uploading via desktop. I will probably just try to figure it out over the next few days and hopefully be able to do it with some Agents of Mayhem screencaps over the weekend, assuming I can find a good solution.

Damn over 500 words, I suppose I had a lot to say. I hope my next update isn’t in a few years, I want to keep up with this, so I guess next week we will know if I did or not.

Working for yourself can be tiresome. Usually I spend most of the day working and then not doing anything I actually enjoy. I’ve been trying to get into a better balance with that sort of thing, I’ll work a set amount of hours per day, then have the rest of the day to do things that I actually want to do.

In the last few days I’ve played video games, worked on this site more, and been binge watching Scrubs on Netflix. The problem with that is I am not actually sure I am enjoying it. I’m so stressed out about the financing for the house and what I want to do in the house, I can’t enjoy what I do actually have now. I’m not even sure if I am going to get the loan, so I am also stressed out about this and having to go back and finding a new house is going to be heartbreaking because this house is just perfect.

I didn’t hear from the loan officer for a few days and just heard from him a few hours ago that he will be sending me a list of things that will need to be on the list to fix in order for financing to be approved. Right now we’re waiting on an estimate from a contractor to tell us the price of getting everything fixed, hopefully the bank’s list of things will be less than the contractor’s list.

The problem is that there’s a lot of little things rigged together to work that isn’t put together the way they are supposed to be. In theory it’s relatively easy fixes that we could do by just reading up on it, however if it’s on the list of things the bank gives us, then it needs to be done by a licensed contractor and the money needs to be set aside in an escrow account.

Once the list is done the next step is to see if the price of the loan, plus the price of the money in the escrow account is less than the house is worth. If it is then they can start the approval process. If it isn’t then we need to find a different house. Personally I am not that concerned about it though, the area has houses that are smaller that are $50,000 more money when they sell and this house maybe has $10,000 worth of fixes needed, the biggest one being a new roof which is going to be around $8000. Everything else is pretty minor things, like the attic fan not working, replacing screens, changing the elevation of the washing machine and dryer in the basement, simple things like that.

I’m not sure when we’re getting either list, but I hope it’s soon. We need to put in a counter offer so that we can get jump start on focusing in on just the finance portion of the deal. The financing alone takes about 60 days so we still have a long road ahead of us. I just hope everything starts going smoother.

Bella is having surgery on Thursday to get a lump removed from her stomach. The surgery is less money than we expected it to be, but it is still expensive so we are both working our asses off to try and get as much as we can before Friday. In theory we have enough money to cover it, but we’d also like to be able to survive without giving away all of our money.

Needless to say any non necessary purchase is put on hold until further notice, so that means no Halo Wars or Resident Evil 5 for a while. Hopefully I will have at least one, if not both before the Ghostbusters game comes out in June. The surgery has also put off a RAM upgrade , and a possible Wacom tablet purchase.

One of my friends from high school, Susan Spahr passed away on Friday. While I was planning on getting up there for the wake tomorrow, and coming back late tomorrow night, I realize I can’t do this due to the fact that I have far too much work to do in Accounting. I have accounting on Thursday and I would get back far too late Wednesday to make it there by 8:30AM.

After graduation these people who you’ve known for years, all go on to bigger and better things. An unreturned phone call here and there, and you don’t really think much about it, until something like this happens. She had a baby about a month ago, and I didn’t even know she was pregnant. I think the last time I spoke to her, is when I was in Brookdale and she was telling me all about how she joined the Campus Crusade for Christ. Some unread blogs left me in the dark about her pregnancy until Sunday night, when I had heard that she had passed away.

These last few days I’ve been away from the computer, as some of you could tell in my not responding on IM, but just checking email when the time came. This is the third time in the last 13 months someone has died that I cared about. I think it’s a wakeup call. I don’t want to be going through life wondering what if or whatnot, I want to live. Last May I did the most irrational thing and picked up for a week and went to Ohio to meet a girl. Was it the safest thing to do? No. Will I ever forget driving through West Virginia through the mountains? Never. I implore you to go out and do one thing that scares you, one thing that is unlike you, one thing that you’ve never done before. Carpe Diem.